in I dip again re watching every frame over and over again,
trying to just remain myself above all but continue to change.
to reach out and touch and slowly trust again.
And forget the pain knowing ts my choice to be happy again also my choice I cud stay the same.
wallow in blame but whats the point when i can take what I am and start again
Just over 12 months ago something Happened that has Changed lives of those around me – Myself too..
I know we all have felt it…
I Lost my sister From my chosen family not my biological family but my family who more so understand me maybe on levels some never will.. Today I write with a heavy heart I miss you,
Manfa is my friend my confidant my ice cream eating till brain freeze and then some in fact this is why she is my sister because friend just doesnt do justice,
I know you live on in us but 12 months without seeing you just doesn’t seem possible you had a smile that could light the darkest cave. You laugh so infectious and loud sure to take away every cloud.
Always in my heart I know you will watch as I go. But this pain in my heart will not go..
Talk to you as I do during my day I sit here and just want to say I love you and miss you and ill never forget the times we shared.
After a few weeks of increased pain and spasms today I finally gave in and rang the doctor More naproxen and the introduction of backlafen for years I have battled to keep from being on said medication because in truth I forget sometimes I have Spastic diaplega and this is because Right fully so I have never been treated differently long may that continue but today I feel at a cross roads were I have no choice now. mostly will know over the years I have had a on going battle to keep myself mobile and this will not change but time to accept that at least for now I need to take it easy I’m already on long-term sick but today if you can be I have been signed off again and told to rest for 2 weeks.
This morning i sit and put fingers to keyboard not knowing were Im going or my point for this post. Sat here..Waiting…Cars zooming down the road one follows one follows another. Sitting on the edge of my bed with the remaining yet familier pain of hyper tight muscles pulling for all there worth leaving me feeling like I have little worth as I take the Pain killers perscribed knowing the pain is still there. feeling it still there. the world continues to go round and round with evidence of vison and sound.
Sat with the shakes my fingers chattering on the keys as the pain goes behind the knees all I want is to please those around and about me maybe bring some peace,a smile a laugh all desined for wilst on this path but with all this it must be said the indicator is pointing red so I go back to sleep
The ink had stoped fallled by myself.. At posting daily. somthing stopped me dead in my tracks it is i assume not visbal to the naked eye as I write Iknow this might seem odd even to me.
week 8 the first week since starting this were be it became difficallt were this was started as a happy accident Ididnt want to write to be honest and maybe the novelty had gone glad its not actully the case reading is still coming on allowing me away from daily life which im not glad this week was supossed to be cheese on #favouriterecipe which is a staple food in my life, love it and endvour to catch back upxxx
Up till a few days back I was posting every day with the Start of positive post and things like picture challenges and favorite recipe keeping me busy but ultimately the poetry and stories had dried up and to be honest I was starting to feel I had let myself down, Self doubt number one of life Little curve balls that comes out. Taunting my brain because I hadn’t posted anything really personal for a bit. Dont get me wrong I still was avidly reading thanks to amazon kindle app on my phone and the reader on word press but on the whole my productivity and input level had taken a break and I found myself playing Facebook games then giving myself a hard time for not being on here as much.
last night and tonight have been somewhat almost like a treasure map knowing showing me the way. As I sit here poised for another week I know that whatever happens I’m not alone
Week 4 Chocolate Day 2
- 400g (14oz) good quality plain chocolate, broken into pieces
- 400g (14oz) butter, cut into cubes, plus extra for greasing
- 200g (7oz) caster sugar
- 200g (7oz) light soft brown sugar
- 200g (7oz) plain white flour
- 6 large eggs
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
For the filling
- 4 tablespoons cocoa powder
- 4 tablespoons boiling water
- 250g (9oz) butter, softened
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 300g (10 1/2oz) icing sugar
- chocolate curls, to decorate
- chocolate ice cream or whipped cream, to serve
Method Prep:45min › Cook:40min › Ready in:1hr25min
- Preheat the oven to 180 C / Gas 4. Grease two 23cm/9in sandwich tins with butter and line with baking paper. Put the chocolate and 400g butter in a large, heatproof bowl set over a saucepan of simmering water. Heat gently until smooth but not hot. Stir together and remove from the heat.
- Using a wooden spoon, beat in the caster and brown sugar. Gradually stir in the flour. Beat the eggs and the vanilla extract in a separate bowl, then beat well into the chocolate mixture. Turn the mixture into the prepared tins and spread out evenly.
- Bake the cakes for about 40 minutes, or until a skewer inserted in the centre comes out clean. Leave to cool in the tin.
- Meanwhile, make the filling and topping. Put the cocoa powder in a small bowl, add the boiling water and stir to form a smooth paste. Leave to cool. Put the butter and vanilla in a large bowl, sift in the icing sugar and beat with a wooden spoon until smooth. Beat in the cooled cocoa mixture.
- When the cakes are cold, remove from the tins and sandwich together with half the filling. Swirl the remaining mixture over the top of the cake, then top with chocolate curls.